Best Thanksgiving!
You may have heard the news about my Thanksgiving in Ohio so I thought I’d post all the details here for everyone…
Yes, it’s true. Liz and I went to the Ark Encounter in Williamstown, Kentucky. And it was amazing!
The Ark Encounter is a…theme park?…where they’ve built a “life-size” or “Biblically accurate” replica of Noah’s Ark and it is Quite the Place!
When you get there you board a bus from the parking lot that whisks you away to the nearby park. At the parking lot you learn that the Encounter’s mascots are a family of cool giraffes who wear sunglasses and headphones…more on them later…
Arriving at the park for real, we started by orienting ourselves at the Answers Center. Inspected a pile of books by the Encounter’s mastermind and had a look at its big theater. More on that, later.
And then we walked over to the Ark. It’s gigantic! (But not as tall as the neighboring zip line tower). As you approach there’s these “ancient” “carvings” that catch you up on the story of Genesis so far. It has a switchback line like it was Disneyland but fortunately we were able to walk right on. There were a lot of people at the Ark and some of the sections of it were fairly congested so I can only imagine what it must be like when they have to run people through the switchbacks.
When you board the Ark it’s a lot like being in line for a Disneyland ride. It’s dim and they’re playing rain sounds that give way to storm sounds while you walk by some wall text and the cages for smaller animals and then the first of several showpiece animatronic dioramas that tell the story of Noah’s family. First impression was that it was pretty cool and MUCH higher quality than I had expected.
From there the little cages gave away to big cages with big animals in them. And you may jokingly ask if there were any dinosaurs and I will seriously tell you: there were SO MANY dinosaurs on board the ark! There was some signage explaining that Noah didn’t bring any giant dangerous dinosaurs, he could just pack up some juveniles that were much less of a hassle to take care of.
There were also “normal” animals on board, too. And if any of these normal animals (or the less normal ones above) look a little abnormal to you, that’s because these are the animal Kinds that all other animal species descended from. More on that later…(but actually probably not too much since I don’t understand the idea about kinds super well).
The rest of the first floor of the Ark: bat cages, wall text, models, and a ramp up to the second floor:
Up on the second floor: the exhibits start to take over! Via wall text and diorama, we learn about the story of Genesis up to this point so far, including arena gladiator fights between humans, dinosaurs, and Nephilim and baby sacrifices to a snake god.
Then there was this Spooky Animal Encounter. It wasn’t very spooky. There was just one animal.
Then some more animals and dioramas…
And then we arrived at what turned out to be the Encounter’s most provocative exhibit: The Fairy Tale Ark which quickly went from going “wow look at all these cute Noah’s Ark children’s books” to “Oh! Cute Noah’s Ark stuff is BAD?!” (…and if cartoony Noah’s Ark animals are a dangerous tool of the devil…then what’s the deal with the Ark Encounter’s giraffe family mascots?)
The grand finale, after a few more dioramas and wall texts, is the big door to the Ark with a cross shining on it. Families patiently lined up for a turn to take their picture at the door. Here is the door during a rare no-family moment.
Up to the 3rd floor! Here we see dioramas of Noah’s family’s quarters on the ark and Noah finding out that the flood was over (more on that later) followed by exhibits explaining the evolution is fake, the Earth is only whatever several thousand years old, catching us up on what followed the Ark (the Tower of Babel! Here just a little diorama, but the Ark Encounter is BUILDING A REPLICA of the Tower of Babel on its property. What could possibly go wrong?!?!)
And then, after a few more exhibits about the history and usefulness of the Bible in general, you’re done with the ark and it’s just back down the ramps and exit through the gift shop with you and THIS I think was a major error on the part of the Ark people. After the dramatic boarding of the ark with the spooky darkness and rain sounds you should definitely like, end by going outside and having a dove fly down to you beneath a rainbow made of lasers or something. Not just a “Ho-hum, guess we’re done” walk by souvenirs that aren’t even very fun since we all now know that fun representations of the Ark are Very Bad. Anyway.
I know many of you have been wondering how many cubits tall Liz is so here you go. Isn’t she cute? But also beautiful? And smart and nice?
And here’s Me!
Post-Ark we had a little snack of these tacos from the Ark Encounter taco stand and maybe I was just very, very hungry but I thought my taco was absolutely delicious. I miss it. I crave it. There are several eating options at the Ark Encounter, the crown jewel of which is “Emzara’s” which turns out to be an all-you-can-eat buffet. Had I known beforehand that there was an AYCE buffet at the Ark Encounter I would have planned/prepared accordingly. Oh, and who is Emzara? It’s Noah’s wife! Don’t recognize the name? That’s because the Ark Encounter named her! (and they own up to this)
After the taco we hurried back to the Answer Center to hear Ken Ham give his daily lecture. Which is actually pretty cool, having the brains behind the operation give an hour long presentation. Imagine if Walt Disney had held an information session every day at Disneyland! The first thing I learned from the lecture was that Mr. Ham is Australian. Then I learned a lot about the genetics of species evolving from Kinds and how purebred dogs are a genetic mess that can be killed by a cold but you could run a mutt over with your pickup and it would walk it off.
Turns out there’s a Merry-Go-Round at the Ark Encounter that is included with Admission so we had to take advantage of that opportunity.
And before leaving we paid a little visit to the Ark Encounter’s little zoo which was actually a pretty great little zoo. They have a kangaroo pen you can walk around in with the kangaroos and there are lots of other great animals there including both a zdonkey and a zhorse…not sure which one is pictured here.
Then it was time to say Goodbye to the Ark and the Ark Encounter which really I liked quite a lot. Since attending first and second grade at San Gabriel Christian School I really haven’t spent much time in Christendom and it was nice to pay a visit and see what they’re up to. I would certainly go back to the Ark Encounter (after I have a chance to visit their Creation Museum) and if I lived nearby I’d get an annual membership.
Oh and also, Thanksgiving morning Liz accepted my proposal of marriage and I’m the luckiest fellow of the postdiluvian era!
